Understanding narcissistic dynamics to rediscover yourself in relationships, family, and work
Perhaps you recognize some of these situations in your life:
“Narcissism Untangled” is born from a conviction: that understanding is worth more than condemning. Narcissism is not a verdict. It is not a label to stick on someone to close the case. It is a pattern, a way of being in the world that runs through relationships, family, work. A way that, in different forms, belongs to all of us.
Narcissism is a spectrum. It exists in different degrees, in different forms, and in all of us. There is a healthy, necessary narcissistic part: the one that allows us to have self-esteem, to defend our boundaries, and to believe in our own value. The problem is when these traits become a rigid system, an automatic way of responding to the world that leaves no room for the other, that protects the self at the expense of relationships, that generates suffering: in those who live alongside it, and often also in those who carry it.
The useful question is not “is he/she a narcissist?” The useful question is: how much is this pattern causing harm? To whom? And what can you choose now that you know? The first step for anyone is to see clearly what is happening. To know where you are. And from there, to understand how to move forward. Without having to choose sides.
I am Dr Liesbeth Elsink, psychologist and psychotherapist with an Adlerian orientation, registered with the OPL under number 22293.
I worked for over 25 years in international corporate settings before dedicating myself to psychology. I completed my psychotherapy training at the Adlerian School of CRIFU and specialised in EMDR, polyvagal theory, and augmented psychology through virtual reality.
I have been working with narcissism for years, not only as a therapist but also as a scholar. I follow the work of international clinicians and researchers who study this phenomenon in all its complexity, and over time I have integrated an approach that combines Adlerian clinical practice with a relational and cultural understanding of narcissism.
I bring a particular perspective: that of someone who observes certain relational patterns from a cross-cultural viewpoint. Thirty years spent between different cultures have taught me how much context — family, social, cultural — shapes how certain dynamics are born, repeat themselves, and sometimes become normalised without anyone naming them.
I work in Pavia with adolescents (from 16 years) and adults, in person and online, in Italian, English, and Dutch.
People who arrive on this page usually belong to one of these three groups. Or to all three together, because the boundaries are often not that clear.
You have experienced something you still can’t explain well. A relationship that left you confused, empty, or with a version of yourself you no longer recognise. You are not here to condemn anyone. You are here to understand.
You have recognised something in yourself. A pattern that belongs to you, in the way you react, in the way you manage your need for control or recognition. And instead of looking away, you have chosen to look at it. That takes courage.
You love someone with these patterns, or you have to deal with them. A parent, a child, a partner, a colleague. Someone you cannot or do not want to remove from your life. And you are trying to understand how to stay in that relationship without losing yourself.
You are not looking for a diagnosis to pin on someone. You are looking for a compass. Whatever your starting point, you are in the right place.
My approach is rooted in Adlerian psychology and integrates tools that address both mind and body:
Adlerian Psychology — The meaning of the pattern
Alfred Adler believed that every behaviour, even the most difficult to understand, has a meaning. Behind every rigid pattern lies an unmet need, an unprocessed wound, or a survival strategy that once served a purpose but eventually stopped working. The aim is not to justify the harm these patterns cause, but to understand it—because understanding enables us to choose differently. In my work, I never look at the situation you bring as something isolated. I view your situation as part of a broader story through a psychodynamic lens. I consider what you have experienced, what you carry in your body, and what keeps repeating in your relationships without your conscious choice.
Polyvagal Theory — The traces in the body
The Polyvagal theory teaches us that certain relational dynamics—especially those repeated over many years—leave traces in the nervous system. It is not ‘in your head.’ It is a real physiological response, which can be recognised and modified. In most cases, pathological narcissism does not arise out of nowhere. It arises from a wound, an unanswered need for recognition, or an environment that did not teach how to tolerate vulnerability. Narcissistic behavior is often an unhealthy way to pursue a legitimate need: to be seen, to feel safe, or to matter.
EMDR lets us address the traces left by relational dynamics directly, especially when rational understanding alone is not enough. Understanding what is happening does not justify the harm these patterns cause. Instead, it gives you the tools to recognize and work with them, no matter your situation.
I work with people from all starting points, without judgment or classification. My focus is not on identifying the ‘narcissist,’ but on understanding the pattern, its origins, and what is possible now.
The compass does not judge. It orients.
The journey follows a clear path. First, we welcome what has happened and what you feel, without judgment. Next, we seek to understand the pattern, its origins, and your story. Then, we process these experiences—emotionally and physically, not just rationally. After that, we work on acceptance—not as resignation, but as seeing reality clearly. Finally, you can choose how to move forward, now that you have a new responsibility to yourself and to others.
This applies to everyone who comes here—whether you have suffered in a relationship, recognized something in yourself, or are trying to support someone else without losing yourself.
I work with adolescents (from 16 years) and adults who want to understand what is happening in their relationships and choose how to move forward.
My professional experience includes over 25 years in the international corporate world, along with specialist clinical training in psychology and Adlerian psychotherapy. This combination gives me deep insight into narcissistic dynamics in relationships, families, and workplaces.
I have developed an authentic cross-cultural perspective through thirty years of life and work in the Netherlands and Italy. This experience helps me understand how cultural context shapes the development, repetition, and normalization of certain narcissistic dynamics—often without anyone naming them.
I integrate body and mind in my therapeutic work. Narcissistic dynamics leave traces in the nervous system. That’s why we work not only at the cognitive level, but also directly with the nervous system, bodily sensations, and the body’s implicit memory.
I use a concrete and results-oriented working method, typical of Northern European culture, combined with the empathy and warmth necessary for real therapeutic change. I do not offer generic understanding, but practical tools.
I can work in several languages. Working in your mother tongue, or in the language where you feel most authentic, helps you access deeper emotional layers and supports the therapeutic process.
My specialisations include: EMDR qualification for the treatment of relational trauma. Specific training in personality disorder therapy. Adlerian psychotherapy, with a focus on understanding the pattern in the context of the person’s life. Study of narcissism following the work of Dr Ramani Durvasula and Sam Vaknin.
Working on these dynamics takes time and a space where you can freely share your experience—without needing to name it or have all the answers.
The first step is an introductory consultation. No commitment, no immediate diagnosis. A space to tell your story and begin to see. Each journey is tailored to the individual. There is no one-size-fits-all protocol, because every story is different.
“The compass does not judge. It orients.”
Dr Liesbeth Elsink – Un Passo per Volta
Subscribe to the newsletter to receive monthly practical tips on managing anxiety and stress in everyday life. I share exercises, reflections and updates on psychology and psychotherapy.
No spam. I only write to you when I have something useful to say.
